A contest, of sorts:
1. What did the grass say to the cow?
2. What did the beef say to the chef?
3. What did the 2008 Olympics say to the air quality of the city of Beijing?
4. What did Elian Gonzalez say to his putative adoptive father?
5. What did Lazarus say to Jesus?
--------------
6. What did the donut say to the baker, the pot to the potter, the window to the glassmaker, and the eyes to the barbituate?
7. What did the walls of Jericho say to the righteous power of the Lord?
8. What did Laura Mulvey say to narrative cinema?
9. What did the Klingon say to his human enemy?
10. What did the lounge say to the upholsterer?
11. What did God say to the overzealous parishoner?
12. What did the Minotaur say to the King of Crete?
13. What did the winner of the most recent season of Top Chef say to one of the runners-up?
14. What did the recliner say to the large furniture corporation?
15. What did the wildflowers say to the home decorater?
16. What did the trail say to Lewis and Clark?
17. What did the Democratic Party say to Connecticut's 4th Congressional District voters, and the guards at the Springfield, Massaschusetts armory to the angry mob outside its doors?
18. What did the Defense of Marriage Act say to the California Supreme Court?
19. What did the oral stage say to the anal stage?
20. What did the recovering soap opera addict say to the executives of NBC?
21. What did Samuel J. Tilden say to the American electorate in 1876?
22. What did Nurse Ratchett say to McMurphy?
23. What did a very high prime number say to the array of supercomputers?
24. What did OPEC say to the biofuels producer?
25. What did the sequence of words “don't tase me, bro!” say to the American public shortly after September 17, 2007.
“This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
Oh, the genius ur-answer!!
But really, here's a hint: the answer to #1 is “Don't graze me, bro!”
Mulvey: cinema from GA to ZE.
Let us now tase famous men.
beef to chief: don't glaze me, bro
top chef winner: don't “Blais” me, bro
Beef to chef has another, more beef-specific answer...
Beef to chef: don't braise me, bro
Donut to baker, etc: don't glaze me, bro
that's the one I was looking for
5a. What did the Lord subsequently say to Lazarus?
You should have left more room for audience participation here. The best I can do is:
Heigl to Emmys: Don't Grey's me, bro.
Grandpa's saber to Antiques Roadshow: Don't appraise me, bro.
Senate to President (overriding veto of Medicare bill): Don't nays me, bro.
Petraeus to Move On: Don't “betrays” me, bro.
Sudan's Bashir to ICC: Don't Pinochet's me, bro.
You amaze me, bros.
And speaking of algorithms, what did the improbable event say to the actuary? Don't Bayes me, bro.
Printculture members can review, edit, and delete their comments, create a member page, and don't have to fill in the silly form below. Sign up or log in.
