The first in what I anticipate will be an ongoing series in which I dispense unsolicited advice and opinions on traveling with young kids, based solely on my own meandering experience.
“Can I have your zip code?” The cashier asks me while sneaking a glance at her watch. “I live out of the country.” “Oh!” she says, momentarily interested. “Where?” “Korea.” “Oh.” [Not that glamourous, is what she’s probably thinking. Or: Why would anyone want to live there?] “How long a flight is that?”
With all the flying I’ve done with my kids I sometimes fancy myself an expert. After a moment in which my son explains “time zones” or talks about the different rules in different countries I indulge in reveries in which other mothers come to me for advice about how to travel with their kids. The logical part of me knows our track record owes a lot to temperament (two calm boys), practice (my youngest had been to five countries by the time he was five months old), and determination. But there is still a vain part of me that yearns to give unsolicited advice about traveling with kids.
I have friends, who shall not be named, who are afraid to take their toddler on a two-hour flight to see grandma. It will be too hard, they tell me. She’ll cry. She won’t be able to sit still. We’ll bother the other passengers. All valid concerns. But this can be a self-fulfilling prophesy; if you approach the trip with trepidation and the expectation that the kid won’t be able to perform, the kids will sense and share the attitude. Trips are journeys. Trips are adventures. Plane travel requires going to airports — always great places for people-watching, doing a lot of waiting, sitting on a plane for hours at a time, eating terrible food, relinquishing and finding one’s belongings, and then figuring out an often confusing array of ground transportation. But isn’t that also fun?
Toddlers are probably the itchiest demographic, but they are also trainable. They like regularity; having a strong sense of expectation makes them feel in control. (Disclaimer: I am not a child psychologist, merely a person who has done a lot of at home experimentation on a small sample.) Laying the groundwork for the adventure starts before the trip, by creating expectation and anticipation. I remember playing “airport” with W when he was young: checking in our bags in the kitchen, waiting, going through our doorway security (the beeping was a lot of fun for him), waiting, getting on the sofa plane, waiting, finding our suitcases.
But beyond familiarizing the child with the process and the amount of waiting that will occur, I’ve also found it important to remind kids who they will be seeing on the other end. Grandparents have a tendency to throw themselves at a tired young traveler right off the plane, snatch him out of his mother’s warm embrace, and scare him with loud noises. I like to make small albums of laminated photos for the child to look through before the trip and also take with him on the plane. The grandparents still scare the kids but they warm up faster.
I am fully committed to the use of selective bribery in order to enhance the atmosphere of excitement and anticipation. My basic plane trip bribery package includes one lollypop once the wheels leave the ground and one small present once the seat belt sign has gone off. The younger the kid the more small treats I pull out of my bag, but they don’t all have to be new and they don’t all have to be toys. About a month before a trip I go through the small toys and hide away the ones that no one seems to play with any more. Then I wrap them up and like magic, they are as exciting as new toys. The child may not even remember that they aren’t new toys. I also wrap snacks. I also wrap containers and rocks. You can recycle the wrapping paper, or even use old newspaper or grocery bags.
Life is a journey, the cliche goes. You have expectations but also uncertainty, and you have to learn how to balance and control these. You collect information to deal with unfamiliar people, places, and situations, and must rely on flexibility and ingenuity for the rest. You develop your own motivations and reward systems. I like to think that by traveling with my kids I’m preparing to go about their lives as adventurers, open and receptive and not easily unbalanced. I’d like to think that I’m teaching them to enjoy the process of getting places and not just the end result. But who knows, we’re not there yet...
And now I have my own trip to finish.
On my plane ride from Toronto to London, England, I was reminded by a mother with 2 young, screaming children of this piece. Perhaps I should have printed a copy and handed it out at the airport to mothers with young children. =P
Oh, I remember the days when I could travel with just one light bag. Now with a child in tow, I feel like a mule carrying multiple bags of toys, treats, extra clothes and other goodies. Now, if I can figure out how to fly with a child without getting some sort of food or crayon stain on my clothes. Any advice?
I think what most new parents need to hear about traveling with kids is that it is possible. As a first-time mom, I felt inundated with messages that I had to establish a routine and surround my daughter with familiar things. So, it was hard to get my mind around taking her on a plane trip that would a) fubar her nap schedule and b) put her in a weird place.
Now, that I've done it, I've learned that the parents' attitudes matter a lot. If we're calm, she'll be pretty calm. Also, her psyche isn't that fragile. She will be able to sleep at the new location, she will take naps again; she will adjust to new time zone, etc.
That being said, I do think it depends on the kid. We lucked out and got an easygoing (for now) daughter.
It is exhausting, however. I think back now to how much I used to dread and complain about the 15-hour flight to the States before I had S. Now, the idea of sitting doing absolutely nothing for 15 hours but snacking and watching back-to-back movies seems like an *unbelievable* luxury.
For Elaine on stains: My three-part solution to this problem.
1: Wear clothes you can wash easily. I like cargo pants because of all the pockets. I also wear a lot of layers: a tee-shirt and a button down shirt. Good for nursing, lightweight, breathes easily, easy to wash, and if one is wet you can wear the other. White is not a good idea — just a stain waiting to happen.
2: Bring a change of clothes for yourself. Most people remember to pack for the kid but forget that the adult holding the baby is the one who gets vomited on. The amount of extra clothes I carry depends on the length of the flight and the type of kid. My younger son used to throw up a lot so I’d bring a lot of clothes for both of us. That said I do vividly remember washing the apple juice out of my pants and wearing them wet for the remainder of one flight. After that I was stricter about drinking juice, which brings me to...
3: Prevent spills stain-causing accidents. When my sons were unreliable with cups I forbade them from drinking juice on the plane, only water. Or bring your own sippy cup to pour the juice in. Avoid bringing snacks that melt and stain (lollypops are good, chocolate is bad). When eating meals, if you order a special meal it usually comes at a separate time from the rest of the meals. On Singapore airlines, my current favorite, they deliver the special meals first. So if you order a kids meal (or “oriental meal” or whatever) you can the kids off to a head start eating while your area is still clear, giving you extra space to help feed them and maneuver around the trays. Have them eat the messy stuff first, save crackers or rolls or other things for snacks later, and ask the flight attendants to clear the tray so it is not an accident waiting to happen.
For art activities I try to use washable crayons and markers. I used to carry rubber kids’ scissors but those don’t make the security cut anymore (hah). Playdoh is fun and doesn’t stain unless you really sit on it or rub it in your clothes. Origami is fun to do on planes; in Korea this is a common hobby so the stationary stores sell beautiful paper of exactly the right size and texture for lots of fun with origami. My younger son (just turned 4) is also into glue sticks and will happily spend hours just gluing pieces of paper together. Stickers are wonderful, of course. Even for kids who are not into art (like my older son) you can bring small matchbox cars or trains and have fun drawing train tracks or cars for them, and tape the paper together to form a small city.
I have a longer response to Cat's comment coming later as TWK2.
For parents who are reading this for practical tips, check out this site: http://www.deliciousbaby.com/
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